Curl my Back to Lonliness

Jake and I's 1st anniversary came and went with little excitement.  "What has been the most fun you've had in the last year?" was the corny and sarcastic question I received from my mate. I analyze, Jake does not.  So when I get this sort of question from him...I look for the eyebrow that has become the window in to my hubby's soul...  And then I of course share anyway.

I have never been lonelier in my life.

For the 7 1/2 years prior to marriage and the 18 years before college, my life was full of females. A talkative mom and two talkative sisters, lots of roommates, girlfriends and mentee's that always had something to chat about, and although not a female, a dad who loves to talk and I love to listen to..it was great! Life was filled with conversations to be had, always someone around who wanted to share, needed to share, or just enjoyed talking. Yet in the span of 11 months, both my sisters were married, one of them had a baby and the other moved to Oregon, I moved out of a house with 4 other girls who I adored, and both of my teenage mentee's were emancipated from foster care. Life was shook up.  Conversation becomes harder, lives start getting busier, planning get-togethers becomes challenging, and the mere recognition of what has changed, makes a pretty pathetic band-aid. (Just realized that Band-aid is a product name that has become a generic term...fascinating)  To top off the changes, I have learned that boys...well this boy I am now around 66% of my day...90% if you want to get technical since we work together...are just fine with no conversation. So how did I battle this?  I allowed myself to feel rejected, and rejected, and rejected.  Every time a conversation didn't happen, someone was busy, a get together attempt didn't work out, my husband had nothing to talk about, I was consumed in my feelings of rejection. I received the below devotion just this week as the past year was looming on me, and it was such a light bulb moment!  This time has been overwhelming, and I have felt incredibly rejected, but that's OK!  Not just ok, but there is most likely a reason for it and basically, "Snap out of it!  God is working and you need to keep working with Him!"  Now, I haven't worked through all this and I am sure there is so much more ahead, but what hope for the future!  Plus I enjoyed being able to respond to Jake with, "I have never been lonelier in my life than the past year with you" and laugh instead of cry about it : )

2 Chronicles 11:13–17 Rejection hurts—when your boss hands you a pink slip, or your husband walks out on you, or a close friend deserts you. Rejection makes you doubt your abilities, your worth, your purpose in life. But not all rejection is bad. The Levites were rejected by Jeroboam, who wanted to choose his own priests to offer sacrifices to false gods. Painful as the rejection was, it motivated the Levites to move to Jerusalem to serve God there—a change they wouldn’t have made otherwise. You may never welcome rejection, but you can trust that God will use even that to direct your life toward him. NIV Devotions for Women, BibleGateway.com